Am i a confused lesbian? How can i deal with this? Its interferring w/ my love life!!!?

im 19 female ofcourse. Ive always had an attraction to women as solid as a strait dude. I thot about women in a way men wud since 4. I didnt even have an attraction to guys until 11! I crushed hard on chics but i kept quiet bcuz of my 4 siblings, my mom whom is very very disgusted by homosexuals, and my female cousins n friends. I didnt want to make them uncomfortable. And it was 100% embarrassing. Im also a strong believer in Christ so u can imagine the shame there. My point is i absolutely love women...mentally, physically, sexually, and deeply attracted to them as a strait guy would be. Im no stud but not even a femme. Alot of ppl dabble w/ this for surface reasons...but it wasnt by choice for me. I love men also but its hard for me to be physically attracted to them. Its always a more deeper and mental attraction. I sometimes get grossed out n gaggish thinkin about sex with a man. It doesnt feel very natural to me unless i fall deeply DEEPLY in love wit a guy. I need help. Am i a lesbian?